She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
