Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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