We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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