nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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