There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
