Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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