so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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