The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
