that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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