I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
