then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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