I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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