I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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