so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
