and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
