Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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