Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
