trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it penis luge time yet?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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