Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
