the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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