Who did Billy Mays play for?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
