New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
