is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
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Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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