I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
