its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
