Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
