apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
