I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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