Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have feelings that need drinking.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
