He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
