i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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