I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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