All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
