I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
