My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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