Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
