You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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