Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
