So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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