Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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