Do you still have your period?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
