would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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