Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
