Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
