She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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