Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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