i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
