Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
