We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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