Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
