I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
