i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
