i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drake has all the answers
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
