I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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