dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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