Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
