Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
