Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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