I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
