I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
