Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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