Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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