im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
