Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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