it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You ruined the universe
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
