I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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