Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
