shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
