its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
