what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
