Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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