I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
