I wanna bring you to show and tell
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
