And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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