So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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