She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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