Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
