I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
